The Little Things

(7/8/2020 BS Before Meal - 93)

I miss grass. Running barefoot through soft grass as it slides against your skin. As a diabetic, not only do I have to protect my feet and wear shoes at all times, but I've lost a little feeling in my feet. It makes me wonder what the last time was that I felt grass as it was meant to be. It also makes me sad that I didn't appreciate it like I do now.

I miss liking sweets. I do occasionally eat something sweet, but it has to be only slightly. I've gone so long without constant sugar in my life, that when I eat sweets now, it's like bleh. Way too sweet. Don't get me wrong, I love me some ice cream, and if I didn't live far enough away from the store that it would melt before it got home, I'd have some now.

But sweets aren't really my weakness. It's fruit, crunchy salty snacks, and potatoes. I love me some fruit or chips. I will go to town on some fruit. I made a great fruit salad once that had strawberries, bananas, grapes, golden kiwi, mangoes, and fresh pineapple. God I need some of that right now instead of the can of tuna fish staring at me.

I miss soda. Half a can of coke is enough to save a diabetic from low BS, so what do you think a full can does? Most soda is too sweet these days for me, but I've learned that it's more bubbles that I miss. Now carbonated water is gross unless it has some flavor. I prefer Target's brand of flavored carbonated water. No aspartame, barely sweet, crap tons of bubbles. Perfect. If my dude has a soda, I'll sometimes get a sip, but that's all I want. I've come a long way from drinking sweet tea like it was air. (Not gonna lie I order unsweet tea when I'm out and add sweet 'n low. Blasphemy for a southern girl, I know.)

I miss not having to eat. With diabetes if you don't eat every 5 hours or so, your blood sugar can actually start to rise because your body thinks it's about to starve so it's like, "RELEASE THE EMERGENCY SUGAR SUPPLIES!" So you can think you are doing well and getting your sugar down by not eating, when in fact you are just getting sick and raising it anyway.

I miss my immune system. As a diabetic, your immune system plummets, which is why this Covid thing is terrifying to the insulin deficient community. You don't heal as quickly, and wounds can quickly become infected. Diabetics lose feeling in their feet and can sometimes have nails in them and not notice. If you don't check your feet, you could quite literally lose them.

It's a terrifying thought, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna die young and this disease is probably why. My heart is probably going to give out, as most diabetics do. We are seriously prone to heart disease, and most diabetics die that way.

Do I wish I had never gotten this? Yes. If I had known it ran in my family I would have taken better care of myself, but this isn't just on genetics, though they help a lot. I was seriously unhealthy. I mean, I still am because I'm sedentary, but I eat better than I used to, less carbs and sweets, a lot more water (when I remember to drink)

But what have we learned? I miss a lot, but what have I gained?

I'm healthier, and I know people like me who share this disease who are willing to talk and share tips. I've made friends, I've learned things. With time has come a greater understanding of my own body, I know when my sugar is off, I can feel it, and I've gotten better at listening to it.

-Tahn